How often we hear the phrase:
‘I’d love to come on one of your camps but I’ll have to clear it with the (insert as appropriate Missus / Mister / Non Binary) first!’
Well if you are one of those unfortunates who have uttered that phrase and we never heard from you again, because of the psychological ass kicking you received at the hands of your beloved then this dear reader is for you!
Please see below for a collection strategies that will hopefully help you in your quest to get barrelled in your boardies/ bikini/ non binary swimwear! Everything listed below has come from our guests or the author who have successfully managed to throw off the shackles for a week or two and join us! Some of the strategies are advisable and some are only for the most fearless! We hope whichever you choose it works and that we get the pleasure of your company very soon!
1. Doctors Orders!
Who can argue with the tried and tested technique of the sick note from your Doctor! In this case try and get them to prescribe at least an annual hiatus from normality in order to ‘relieve stress’ or ‘reconnect with your inner child’. Then casually present your partner with whichever surf trip you think you can get away with!
2. Holiday Exchange!
Ok this one is going to cost you. It will either cost you cash as you have to fund your partners crazy shopping, spa, art, yoga, meditation, bushwalking, fishing, hiking, pole dancing, jelly wrestling week away. Or time, as you will have to take up a lot of responsibility around the house that you would normally been able to avoid! Or its going to be both (this is in our experience the most likely scenario)! Despite being potentially the most expensive option on our list this strategy will give you optimal leverage with a feel good flavour as you shouldn’t have to deploy too much emotional blackmail to get your trip away!
If you are in the unenviable position of having a particularly ‘clingy’ partner who doesn’t have any interests (outside of your good self) that would cause them to go away then you may need to take a longer range approach. This means helping them find some kind of hobby that would distract them from getting in the way of you going on surf trips. Possible approaches include digging into what they enjoyed in their teenage years but gave away, anything they may show some aptitude for or whatever their friends are into. Once they have an interest of their own you can work towards sending them away to get that lovely Holiday Exchange leverage!
Know your important dates: You need to not give them the opportunity to say no or give you a hard time because you are going to miss birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, Bar Mitzvas, Christmas etc. If you are planning on travelling by yourself this shouldn’t be a problem as most places have at least a 3 month surf window (or if you are coming to Bali its March – November). However if you are planning a trip with your mates it can be a nightmare as you will all have to deal with different matrix’s of ‘unmissable’ dates.
4. Coping Strategies and Distractions
You need to know what the likely objections are going to be before you present your beloved with your plan to go on your dream surf trip and you need to have strategies in place to deal with them. For example the author had his partners scooter fashioned with a basket and trained the dog to get in it so that she could take both dogs to the beach whilst he was away. Thus thwarting the inevitable ‘Its not only me who suffers when you are away but also the dogs as they can’t go to the beach’!
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder! (Not to be confused with Absinthe Makes The Heart Grow Fonder which is also effective). A 2013 Cornell University study found that geographical distance helps to facilitate more meaningful and intimate interactions between couples and that couples are more likely to ‘idealize’ each other! Now who doesn’t have a partner who wouldn’t love the old intimacy and meaning carrots dangled in front of them whilst they are being idolized! This particular approach does come with a disclaimer because depending on how you deploy you might encounter the scenario below.
‘Hey honey we need some absence so our hearts can grow fonder’
May risk unpleasant blowback in the form of
‘What the hells wrong with our relationship?’
‘I’m going to my mothers’
‘We need counselling’ etc
So use with care!
6. Death in the Family
I know what you are thinking! What kind of sick bastard uses the death of a relative as leverage to convince their partner they should be allowed to go on a surf trip. Well short answer! This guy! In order to get your surf trip you may need to put that conscience on mute. This is the line.
‘Well babe with the passing of (insert as appropriate) it has made me so much more conscious of my own mortality. There is just so much I want to do. I really want to get barrelled at (insert as appropriate) before I get too old.’
Now the timing is where it gets really dark. But hey if that loved one loved you they would want you on that surf trip. Drop it straight after the funeral. This is a prime time where you can get away with anything before thigs start getting back to normal. Option 6 is only for the brave and slightly morally corrupt.
7. I Know I’m Annoying
We have it on the best advice from some of our most frequent return guests that this one works especially for those in long term stable relationships with partners who really ‘know them’. And it goes like this.
‘My love I realise that I become irritating to you if we spend too much time together. So how about I go away for a week and then you won’t become annoyed with me. . . .
I am doing this for us.’
8. I’ve Been on My Best Behaviour
Now his one works best once you have already asked and been met with rejection or a non-committal response! It is time to dive into that breach and start pointing out all the good stuff you have been doing which shows that you are a grown up who deserves to go on a surf trip! For example not getting drunk with your friends, stuff around the house and various romantic gestures which are above and beyond the call of duty. This may not give you all the leverage you need but it will get you moving in the right direction towards Tube Town.
9. Once in a Life Time Opportunity
Nobody can deny their beloved a OIALTO !!! Obviously if you are using a line like this you better make damn sure it is worth it because lest we forget they will remember it and there is a solid chance you will only get away with it . . . . . once! IF you do get away with it though your goal is to make sure the trip is as inconvenient as possible for your partner so that you can have a OIALTO at least once a year until your legs stop working.
10. Good for Me Good for You
Lets face it there are far less healthy ways to spend your holidays than riding waves. So you can point out the obvious health benefits. You will lose weight, be happier and healthier! At this point if you are coming to Bali you can also play the old (or new) ‘spiritually connected/ grounded/ transformed and reborn card’!
Who can argue with that?
‘I’m going to come back a bronzed Adonis / Adonette, who levitates, and has feelings so you will find me far more attractive’
11. If You Cant Beat Em! They Can Join Em! (you)
So you have to be careful with this one because you can get yourself into all kinds of trouble if you bring partner on a surf trip and wind up not being able to surf.
We had a Mexican guest who went from ‘I’m going to stay and surf all week with you guys to . . . We have decided to stay in Ubud (up in the mountains) and I will surf with you one morning if we don’t have anything else planned’. I was never sure if there was an actual ‘we’ in this decision making process but that might be me being cynical.
We had another guest bring his partner along who nearly drowned in his noodle soup when he couldn’t stay awake through dinner. He had a long day of surfing then ‘activities’.
So it’s best when presenting this idea to stipulate the following if they consider coming along.
- You will be surfing everyday.
- You will be getting up early every morning.
- If they decide to come to the beach where you are surfing then chances are there will not be a range of boutiques, cafes and beach clubs available.
This is where Bali is different to a lot of surf locations as there is a crazy amount of non surfing activities, shopping and sight seeing available! With the right planning you can set them up with something to do everyday whilst you are riding waves!
So there you have it my brothers and sisters of the boogie!
We wish you the best of luck in deploying these strategies in your quest to throw off the ball and chain of domesticity and get barrelled for a week or two whilst also being able to return to the loving bosom (or pectoral) of your family!